Insecurity- What lies beneath the masks So what did you discover in identifying your root mask last week? It was tough for me to write about things I thought I’d dealt with long ago. The anger, hurt and frustration I felt as I wrote showed me clearly that I had more work to do. Those emotions were just buried down deep, only to resurface disguised as reactions to new rejection—real or imagined. Just the same fears rearing their ugly heads, yet again. I hope you’ve identified some ways to come out from behind that root mask, and to begin dealing with the tangle of emotions and experiences you’ve been covering up. I have been reading “So Long Insecurity,” by Beth Moore to help me with the process. It is a fabulous discussion of the many facets of insecurity and the ways it shows up in our behavior. As I read I became even more convinced that the masks we wear are a cover for those insecurities. Self-doubt or self loathing, ...
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The "Happy Fat Kid" Mask I’ve decided to dive right in to what is probably the hardest mask of mine to face, and the one I have been wearing the longest— “the happy fat kid” mask. Yes, I was and I am FAT! Less so in recent months, but I am not on the “plus size” or “curvy” side of the scale yet. I know that for many of you that word may be offensive, but why sugar coat it? I am overweight, obese, heavy, and yes, fat. I use this word here because that is how the world sees folks like us, and if we are honest with ourselves, it is the word that we use to describe ourselves in our minds—even if we never say it out loud. I don’t remember ever being thin. I have pictures of a slimmer me, but in my mind I have always been overweight. I became aware that I was different when I started kindergarten, and got worse when I hit first grade. I went to a small Catholic school and I was “the fat kid.” Plus I had to wear uniforms that were definitely not flattering t...
Hi, my name is Jenn. Seven months ago I made a major decision that changed my life –especially the way I look at myself and the world around me. I realized I’d been living life from behind a collection of masks, hiding my true self and projecting what I wanted the world to see. We can’t be completely honest and open all the time; we all wear masks to some degree, but I’m facing the fact that mine have been so ingrained in me for so long that I don’t know if the real me is different from the masks I’ve worn. Through this blog I aim to figure out if I’ve merely settled for being the person I’ve portrayed to the world, or if there’s more to me, more to who I really am. I’m embarking on a journey of self re-discovery, one I would like to share with you. Whether this blog is read by an audience of one or a million, I’m writing it to achieve some major goals for myself. First, it will be a way for me to work out this new life I’ve started, and begin to discover the real me. T...